1: Detox the body. Even if the break-up was so nice that you heard Disney songs as you said goodbye (in which case, please contact your therapist) you have to think of your ex and his influence on you – for the moment, at least – as a night of binge drinking. It was great while it lasted, but then things went too far, you got too drunk, somehow made it home and then woke up with a headache as intense as Hiroshima. Take a shower in preference to a bath, as a bath gives you too much time for your mind to wander and ponder over ‘how could I have dealt with him better?’ or ‘maybe he didn’t mean it like that?’ and so on. A shower is quick and revitalizing – just what you need. Have a shave, whether you shave your legs or your face (or even your back!) and imagine that as you’re shaving off those unwanted hairs and bristles, you’re also getting rid of the bad in your life. This isn’t to say that your ex was pure evil (that role is more likely to be their mothers’) but it’s still a good visualization to make sure that you’re ready to move on from the bad moments that you may still be going through.
2: Detox your living space. Your home is merely an extension of your self. Whether it’s your bedroom in your family home, your apartment or your own house, your living space is always going to be a mirror of your style, your personality and your life. Clean up your bedroom, tidy up the kitchen or whatever, and clear away anything that either came from the ex, or is directly connected with him. What you do with them, depending on how bad the break-up was, is up to you. As I’m still living at home for the moment, I had to put the Christmas and birthday cards that he gave me (which were just so cute… *ahem*) along with some other stuff into a drawer so I wouldn’t have to look at them every time I was in my room. I could never bring myself to throwing them away, but as long as they’re out of sight, they – and their sender – will eventually go out of mind also. That’s the theory, at least.
Your cell phone is a breeding place of memories too. If you can’t bring yourself to deleting photos and text messages from him, then save them onto your computer if possible, or move them to a part of your phone’s memory where you won’t have to look at them every day. While you’re at it, maybe give your cell/mobile (have to be Transatlantic here!) a bit of a makeover too, like a new ringtone or wallpaper.
3. New Style/Wardrobe? We all know that in these recessionary times, it’s a bit hard to afford to go out and buy an entire new wardrobe. Thankfully, however, there are good bargains to be found in every city in the world. Even if you can’t afford to splash out too much, try and buy that one top/shirt/jacket etc. that you’ve wanted for a while, or maybe just accessorize a bit so you can wear your favorite outfit in a slightly new way. Your friends will pick up on your new style, and if you do it well, will compliment you for it. After a break-up, I think it barely needs to be said that you need as many genuine compliments as you can get! Know where your limits are, however; coming out of a hair salon with Eminem-like hair, when you originally had red hair, will start to worry your friends and family. The subtle changes to your style will make all the difference you need.
4. WORK! It’s a word in the English language that causes stress to many, apart from those people who are lucky enough to genuinely enjoy their job. For those people, let me say with my hand on my heart that you are probably one of the most envied groups in society. Congratulations.
Throw yourself into your work or studies. Now, as a recently graduated singleton, you have the time to focus on your career or education, or even both. This, of course, may be easier said than done; for example, while I am at home, typing this, I could easily be finishing off an assignment for my Masters Degree course. But no, I’m writing this interesting piece of literature instead. This brings me to my third option for you; if throwing yourself into your work/studies doesn’t interest you (although it is strongly advised for the latter) then find a creative project for you to do in your spare time. Write, paint, cook, jog… the options are endless. Find something that you love, that will take your mind off He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, and that you might have a bit of a talent at. As long as it’s not something that involves whips & chains, you should be okay.
5. New Friends. In the 21st Century, it’s easy to find a new circle of friends; from joining sports & social clubs, to internet forums, to book clubs, there’s something out there for everybody. Even for those of us who are horrifically shy, being the newbie in a social group of any kind is something that everyone can relate to. Don’t be nervous; they’re not going to eat you alive, unless you’ve specifically signed up for that sort of thing. For me, I chose to get involved with a gay internet forum by the name of QueerID.com. They regularly meet up on the Dublin gay scene, and I shyly offered myself to them one evening (not in that way!) and they took me in as one of their own in a matter of minutes.
This is where I should include a note of warning, however; while we all have needs, don’t try and move on too quick by turning a new friend into a potential new boyfriend. It is a lie when people say that the best way to get over one man is to get under another. A rebound is never a good idea for those of us who wear our hearts on our sleeves. While some are able to go hook up for ‘No Strings Attached’ sex at times (not my style, but each to their own) a rebound fling is more likely to hurt the other guy once he realizes that you’re not interested in anything serious for the moment. You’re feeling hurt right now if you’ve just come out of a relationship, so surely the last thing you want to do is make anyone else feel similar to what you’re going through.
6. Accept It. Ah yes, this is the final point which some readers would much rather skip over, but it has to be said. The relationship is over, and this is something that you have to accept. (Funny, I was expecting to burst into tears having written that, but no – huh!) If you two were truly meant to be together, then maybe things might sort themselves out and one day you could try again at being a happy couple. For most of us, however, we know in the darkest part of our minds that this is not going to happen at all. As good as he may have been at certain times, there was obviously something bad enough in the relationship that made one of you put on the breaks. Even if you were to get back together, what would really change about that? Could either of you learn from your mistakes? It’s a rare occasion when people really do change their ways for the better when they get back together. That’s a horrible fact to accept, and yet it eventually has to be done.
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Tags: boyfriend, breaking up, dumping, ex-boyfriend, relationships
I Get Interviewed, for a Change!
Thanks to Ian and all at SpunOut.ie for interviewing me!
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Obama’s Speech to Gays
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Tags: gay, LGBT, Obama, Speech
Steven Gately
Steven Gately, member of Irish pop group Boyzone, passed away yesterday afternoon while on holiday with his husband Andrew Cowles in Majorca. According to Sky News, police in Majorca have ruled out foul play in his death, claiming that there are no ’suspicious circumstances’ to his death.
The other members of Boyzone are en route to Majorca to visit Andrew, while manager and X Factor judge Louis Walsh will miss tonight’s episode of The X Factor because of the event. Shane Lynch told News of the World’s Dan Wootten that “We just need to get over to where he’s passed and work out what we need to do.”
Steven had a profound effect on the pop music industry in both Ireland and abroad by coming out as gay over ten years ago, and instantly became a role model for young gay people in Ireland and the UK. He will be greatly missed by everyone in Ireland – Ar lámh dheis Dé a anam, may he rest in peace.
Filed under: Ireland | 1 Comment
Tags: Boyzone, Steven Gately
A recent article by Eithne Shortall in the Irish edition of The Sunday Times newspaper caused concern for Irish-language writers, as apparently only “76 copies” were sold between a number of Irish-language writers, despite a total of €74,000 in grants being given to them.
While the article can be read on the Gaelport.com website (with my response available on my Irish-language blog) it seems that the information that Ms. Shortall has was incorrect. Having posted my response on ‘Dialann Scott,’ I soon received an e-mail from Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh, one of the writers mentioned in Ms. Shortall’s article. According to Ní Ghearbhuigh, roughly 400 copies of her last publication, Péacadh, were sold within the last 12 months – 80% of the total number of copies published. It is apparent, in this case, that Ms. Shortall did not have all the figures required to write on such a topic.
So, is this a deliberate attempt to put Irish-language publishing in an unpleasant light? Possibly, but I’m going to give both the journalist and newspaper the benefit of the doubt. Maybe Ms. Shortall could not have gotten all the facts, but if this were the case, then the piece should have been neither written nor published. If the intention was, however, to paint Irish-language publishing in a bad light, then it was a very good attempt. Read the article for yourself and make your own decision.
Filed under: Gaeilge, Ireland, Irish, media | 2 Comments
Tags: Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh, Eithne Shortall, Gaeilge, Ireland, Irish Language, publishing, Scott De Buitléir, The Sunday Times
Am I Mr. November??
This is exactly the type of incentive that I needed!
Calendar Men at The Dragon Bar, Dublin 2
I’ve been entered to be Mr. November for the Dragon Bar’s Calendar Men competition! I one the heat for the month last Tuesday, but I am being put to the public vote against the runner-up, Omar, this Friday at Spice @ Dragon.
If I’m selected, it means two things; the first is that I’ll be in with a chance to win €1000 in what’s essentially a beauty content against the other ‘Mr Months’. The second is that I’ll be doing a photoshoot for the calendar in about 6 weeks time. I’ll have to take my top off for both events. It’s a great cause, as all of the proceeds of the calendar go to the Open Heart House, a HIV/AIDS charity based in Dublin.
Now, I’ve written before about my desire to be physically fit, and this is now my incentive to kickstart me into a new fitness regime. I have two weeks until the ‘pagent’ finals, and a further four weeks until the photoshoot; six weeks to have an intense weight-training programme worked out (pardon the pun) to get me looking decent for the camera.
Can I do it? I bloody well hope so! In the meantime, however, come to Spice @ Dragon tomorrow night (October 9th) to vote for me. If I winn the €1000, I owe you a pint!
Wish me luck!
Scott xx
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Tags: Calendar, Dragon Bar, Dublin, gay, Men, November
New Gay Radio Show for Dublin
From this Friday, October 9th, I’ll be presenting “Out of the Closet,” a new radio programme for the LGBT community in the greater Dublin area on Retro station, The 90s Network.
Broadcasting on 107.3FM, “Out of the Closet” will be presented by myself, while introducing new radio talent, Sinéad Houlihan to the Dublin radio airwaves. The show will be broadcast every Friday evening from 7-8pm and is expected to feature various topics that will be of interest to Dublin’s gay & lesbian community. We intend to have interviewed lined up over the next few weeks, along with providing information on major events on Dublin’s gay scene.
More info on the 90’s music-themed station can be found on its website.
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Tags: Dublin, gay, LGBT, Out of the Closet, Radio, Scott De Buitléir, Sinéad Houlihan, The 90s Network
Culture Night ‘09 Performance
As part of Dublin’s Culture Night 2009 (this Friday, September 25th), I’ll be reading a selection of my Irish-language poetry in the Pearse Street Library and Archive, Pearse Street, Dublin 1.
I’ll be reading twice during the night; the first reading at 5pm, the second at 9:45pm. Admission is free and for directions and further information, please visit the link above.
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Fitness à la Gay
What a goal to have, but will I ever get there?
I enter my room with the intention of doing some weight training, by using the exercise ball and 3kg dumbbells that I have been given by my parents. I plug my earphones into my phone and start playing some music that I think will be good to work out to. Then, I like the song so much that I start singing, then dancing, then putting on an entire performance in my bedroom. Ten minutes later, I’m still in my own daydream of being in a music video, and the mirror in my bedroom doesn’t help matters. Soon, my boyfriend calls me, and I’m chatting with him. Afterwards, I take out a magazine and flick through it on my bed. Then, I turn on my laptop and start writing this piece. Two hours ago, I entered my room and wanted to do some weights. It never happened.
I’ve written before about my enthusiasm about wanting to get fit, wanting to get a decent body and wanting to get that six-pack in time for my holidays to Spain with my boyfriend. We leave for Spain on Thursday, and I still look the same – more or less – than how I looked at the beginning of the summer. Despite a few trips to a gym in the city centre, a good few attempts at jogging, I never made exercise enough of a priority to improve my fitness. I’m annoyed at myself, a little embarrassed and very disappointed.
I recently went for a trip to a golf driving range with my Dad, and I quickly realised one thing about me and sports. I’m not crap at sports because I’m gay, but I’m crap at sports because my father is also crap at sports. I never had anyone to learn about sport from, I never had a male role model while growing up who was interested in sport or fitness, and therefore I never learnt about it. When I was five, I shied away from football – the one sport that was played at lunchtime in school – because no-one ever explained the rules of the game to me. So when I once tried to play with the rest of the kids, I got shouted at for breaking the ‘handball’ rule, and it put me off playing because I didn’t understand what I had done wrong. That was one of the key events in my childhood that made me shy away from sport, the effect of which was so influential that to this day, I am still fairly uncomfortable being in the presence of a group of straight guys.
Sexuality shouldn’t come into play (pardon the pun) when it comes to sports, but sometimes it does. Gay guys aren’t known to have an active role in mainstream sport; where are the openly gay football players in the English Premier League? Where are the openly gay Gaelic Football or Hurling players? Are there any gay players on the Irish rugby team? There would have to be at least one gay player on each team, but nothing is heard of it. Why? Because gay guys aren’t known to be great at sports. They’re known to be good at shopping, at gossiping, at dancing, at dressing themselves, and at socialising. That’s about it. Of course, there would be many, many an exception, but ask your Joe Soap and that’s what would come to mind.
It is possible for even the sportiest of guys not to like every sport, however. Bruce LaBruce makes a great judgement of soccer in his column, however;
“There must be something about the pure monotony of it, the endless back-and-forth repetition, that induces some sort of mass hypnosis in the audience.”
I’d have to agree. I could never really get into football too much; there was never enough action in any match for me. Rugby, however, is far more likely to get my blood running. The Irish rugby team have recently proved themselves as one of the greatest national teams in Europe, and I’d easily consider myself as a fan. The Six Nations competition is my favourite sporting event.
I move from LaBruce’s column in Gay Times Magazine to the back pages, where the escorts’ pictures and details are. One always stands out at me – Sean. 22 years old, with a killer smile and a washboard stomach to boot. What strikes me about him, though, is that he seems to be exactly my build; 5’7” and slender – if I were a girl, I’d be called petite – that kind of build.
His picture makes me think; why can’t I have that body? What motivates him regularly enough to work out in the gym to get and maintain that level of fitness, when I’m lucky if I even work out once a week??
Work is part of the problem. If I have any time off from my summer job at the café, it’s usually spent with the boyfriend. I wouldn’t be up for working out with him, although calories may be burnt during certain other activities…! He has asked me once or twice to work out with him using his home gym, but working out beside him would make me feel too inadequate beside his Adonis-like physique.
With that in mind, I’ve heard people say that men ‘let it go’ once they get into a relationship. In other words, they give up on the gym, the fitness etc. once they find a partner. I could have that as an excuse, but my boyfriend’s fitness habits haven’t changed at all since meeting me. He’s still a fitness freak; 6’2”, broad-shouldered with a noticeable six-pack. If I didn’t find him so attractive, I’d kill him out of envy.
But still, I look at the exercise ball in the corner of my room. I look at my dumbbells under my chair. No desire to just pick them up and go for it. That’s the way I always have been; surrounded by sports (mainly while at school) yet without any desire to take part.
As usual, though, I self-analyse unnecessarily. I should do nothing more than turn off my laptop, pick up the weights and get to work on my work-out.
Which is what I’ll do now… hopefully.
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A Righteous Anger
LGBT Noise have grown from strength to strength ever since they established themselves to fight for equality in Ireland. Their most recent protest on Sunday, 09 August 2009, saw more than five thousand people out on the streets of Dublin to show their “righteous anger” – as coined by popular Irish drag queen Panti – at the Irish government.
The Irish ‘Civil Partnership Bill 2009’ was introduced by the Dáil (i.e. Ireland’s lower house of parliament) earlier this year, proposing to give equal rights to same-sex couples in all areas except in the area of adoption and parental rights. This majorly significant exception has enraged a vast number of the gay & lesbian community in Ireland, and many of these were out to show their faces at Sunday’s protest.
But not everyone in the gay community is angered. Some feel that the new Bill is enough, for now. Some feel that it is merely a stepping stone to full equality in the Republic, despite Dermot Ahern (Minister for Justice) stating that this is not and cannot be the case, because of the Irish Constitution.
Despite a certain split in amongst the gay community over this issue, it is an inspiration to see so many people of a minority group taking to the streets to demand equal treatment and equal rights. Such a number of protesters have not been seen from a minority group in Ireland for quite some time, and it is good to see that not all the Irish have become complacent in their post-Celtic Tiger ways. Ireland, despite having developed socially in recent years, is still full of inequalities. Gay people in the Republic of Ireland cannot marry, yet their British, French, Spanish and Nordic neighbours can. Why?
The politicians blame Bunreacht na hÉireann – the Constitution of Ireland. Written in Catholic 1920’s/1930’s Ireland, the Bunreacht apparently does not allow for full same-sex marriage, as it goes against the Catholic make-up of the text. This is highly open for debate, as Senator David Norris has stated on many occasions. According to Norris – and many others – this is merely an excuse from those who are afraid to rock the social boat. What’s ironic is that according to LGBT Noise, the majority of the Irish population are supportive of full gay marriage.
With all of this in mind, one watches and waits to see what the Government of Ireland shall do with their inadequate, unfair and unwanted Bill. It is likely, however, that the Bill will come into Irish law around October of this year.
Filed under: Ireland, LGBT, Politics | 1 Comment
Tags: gay, Ireland
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