Removing the Rose-Tinted Glasses

A recent article (I use that term loosely) by Eamon Delaney in the Irish Independent newspaper entitled ‘Loud and proud gays want to take over rest of society‘ (Sunday, October 30, 2011) ruffled the feathers of many readers, not just from the LGBT community.

I read the article, and it was probably one of the worst-written articles I’ve come across in a long time. It wasn’t consistent and had no concrete argument, other than ‘the gays’ wanted to have their cake and eat it too.

Delaney revealed the ugly side to the so-called gay community, and the community were not pleased;

Many gays want to have it both ways. Thus gay magazines are full of ads endorsing late-night gyms, sex lines and a freewheeling sexual activity which would be dismissed as sleazy in heterosexual culture. But we also have articles that suggest a yearning for bourgeois respectability.

At first glance, I could only think that Delaney was entirely right. But then I thought for a moment; yes, there are ads for sex lines in various gay magazines, but what about the sex lines in tabloids and so-called ‘lads mags’? Were they somehow cleaner and holier because they featured attractive topless women? No, but because they’re so much more common to the average straight man (and woman) they’re not as much of a shock as when your typical Joe Hetero sees the back pages in a gay mag. Gay saunas are sleazy, but so are the countless dogging/cottaging areas dotted around Ireland, the UK and similar countries. In other words, there is a sordid and sleazy side to Western society, regardless of sexuality.

At the same time, I can’t help but wonder at how many people truly feel that ‘the gays’ are still victimised. I see the same people screaming ‘homophobia’ at the slightest criticism of the gay community – a term which I have issues with myself – and rarely anyone new. It’s as if there are a few characters on the Irish gay scene – who mainly work in media and the arts – who regard themselves righteous champions of the pink people. Go against them, and you’re regarded as a traitor of sorts, branded with suffering from ‘internalised homophobia’. Again, the word is used as a weapon of sorts, losing its defensive power with each use.

I wasn’t the only person to feel ill at ease with the snarling reaction from the somewhat well-known, clique-ish members of the gay community. Nigel Dugdale wrote an excellant piece, reacting to both Delaney and those he offended, while adding his own experience. It made me see that those attempting to defend the apparently-innocent community were not entirely in the right. Then again, it is hard to see the logic to such a poorly-written piece.

Nonetheless, what Delaney has done is opened the floodgates to examining gay life in Ireland. In some ways, it has never been better. In others, it is truly rotten. Either way, it’s very likely that the debate on the health of the gay community in Ireland (and the UK) has only begun.

How Old Are You, Online?

How old are you? Online, I mean. For example, I’m 23 in real life, but there’s a possibility that my Online Self is only about 17.

That is what Carla Madden has made me think, after only starting to read her e-book,  #SELF: Taming Your Inner Online Menace. I’m not normally into e-books, but it was already downloaded onto my smartphone when I got it, so I decided to see what it was all about. Frank, to the point and (unsurprisingly) aimed at guys in their mid-twenties. Already, I’m hooked.

The jist of the book (from what I’ve read so far) is that from the moment you register your very first e-mail, your Online Self is born. Innocent, naive and unassuming, you probably ventured around the world of Netscape and had a goofy Hotmail e-mail username. Mine was something like shadow353; shadow being my favourite Sonic The Hedgehog character, and 353 being the international calling code for Ireland – you could tell I was a bit nerdy.

After growing up in the middle-school playground of GeoCities, you develop your teen years in the land of MySpace and Bebo, before graduating to Facebook High School. All the while, your Online Self develops and changes. A reflection of your Real Self, but slightly exaggerated, as if it were a reflection of yourself from a distorted funhouse mirror.

Just like your Real Self, however, your Online Self can become weak, hurt or sick. Like teenagers who try to act older and more mature than they really are, only to make a fool of themselves, your Online Self has more than likely suffered the same fate. Your first attempt(s) at blogging are usually the most common; spilling your heart out to the masses about a heartbreak, or a fight with your parents, or that math teacher that makes your life hell. No matter how old you may be in real life, the Online You is made look like a spoiled teenager with this type of web content. And yet, for so many, it’s a rite of passage that can’t be skipped.

The more I’ve read of #Self, the more I’ve been able to associate with it. In earlier years, I would have moaned about an ex or two, without asking myself what is the point of putting this out online?! Of course, my parents would’ve said the same thing – and have done – but it’s always hard for a teenager and young adult to heed a parent’s advice.

The point is, if you’re trying to establish yourself, your Online Self is your ambassador. Make sure he’s fit for the job.

Carla Madden is the author of ‘#Self: Taming Your Inner Online Menace’, available from kobo.com. Catch her online at carlathecopywriter.com or @lifelongnomad on Twitter.

When Kids Won’t Notice the Difference

Yesterday was Spirit Day, when people around the world were asked to wear purple in memory of the LGBT youth who have taken their lives because of homophobic bullying. Last year, I asked my Mam to make me a purple ribbon to wear, which I did proudly. This year, I couldn’t find that ribbon, so the least I could wear was a purple ear stud (also made by my mother, who designs jewellery in her spare time). That said, I did my bit on the day itself by writing about it on my Irish-language blog.

It made me think, though, about the days when I used to be bullied in school. Ironically, the bullying stopped when I came out in my last year of secondary school (at 17). The only exception was a week or so after coming out, someone threw a sheep’s heart at my front door. It turned out that the guy who did it was someone I considered a friend. When I found out it was him, he sheepishly(!) made up some excuse about being dared to do it by other schoolmates. Needless to say, I didn’t forgive him.

Other than that, though, any teasing I got in school for being gay stopped when I admitted it myself. It took any ammo they once had from them. Thankfully, the majority of the guys in my year considered me a decent enough guy, so I didn’t get any grief. I even brought my then boyfriend to our school’s informal ball. That was a big deal, as my cousin – the captain of the local rugby team – was also there. The fact that he and his mates were supportive was a big relief.

Recently, I came across a story from a blogger who wrote of how her six-year-old son had identified with Kurt & Blaine from Glee, and how it was clear that he understood he was gay. It resonated with me, as I had heard from a friend that the national LGBT Youth group, BeLonG To, were noticing that teenagers are coming out at younger and younger ages. I came out to my parents at fifteen, and everyone else at seventeen. Today, some are coming out at as young as thirteen. That means that they feel comfortable enough in their environment and society to come out at such an age. That, in my opinion, can only mean progression.

Of course, not everyone is coming out as young, or finding life as easy or society as tolerant. It was only recently enough that a Canadian teenager took his own life because of homophobic bullying. His father, a local councillor, released a statement acknowledging how badly some people treated him because he tried to set up an LGBT tolerance group in his school. It’s so horrific to think that some people (regardless of their age) think that the world is too uninhabitable for them, especially when it’s already bad enough that some countries abuse and kill them for something they have no control over.

There’s a hell of a lot of work to be done, but we are moving in the right direction. Soon, I hope that there will be a day when kids won’t even notice a difference between peoples’ sexualities, because it will be totally normal to them.

“Happy Europe Day!” …What?

Happy Europe Day.

Confused? I wouldn’t know how to react if someone said that to me, either.

Today (May 9th) is Europe Day, a EU-wide ‘celebration’ of peace and unity in Europe. On ground level, though, little is done to celebrate it. Instead of national holidays like France’s Bastille Day or Ireland’s St. Patrick’s Day, Europe Day isn’t celebrated with big parades or firework displays. Instead, it encourages schools to teach its pupils about the European Union and its various achievements and successes.

There was once a time when I was really interested in the EU and European history. I would’ve looked for the proof of a European sense of identity, which is quite present in the upcoming Eurovision celebrations, for example. The idea of being European, however, is in my eyes something of a fledgling concept – a work still in progress.

Or is it? Americans brands all Europeans with the same brush in some aspects, which seems like a reaction to how we treat them. Then again, the US is a single country, whereas Europe is not. The US, bar certain small regions, has the same culture across the board, while ‘European’ cultures vary from country to country.

In a response that hardly makes sense at first glance, is it that variety and diversity that is the foundation of the European Union and its identity. 27 countries (also called ‘Member States’), with 23 official languages is quite a different set-up to that of the US; 50 states with one language, although one could argue the case for the introduction of Spanish. Can diversity be the key to a single identity, though?

I haven’t researched anything to write this. To do so would alter my opinion, which would affect the aim of this post; that the concept of being European, without mentioning Eurovision, is complex at best and incomprehensible at worst. That’s why no-one in any European city will say “Happy Europe Day” in their own language today, and they won’t until we figure out what the concept of Europe as a (multi- or super-)national entity really is.

Uprising of the Gay Culchie(?)

(For any non-Irish reader: a ‘culchie’ is a term used in Ireland to describe a country person, as opposed to the term ‘jackeen’ which is used to describe a Dubliner.)

I’ve recently noticed that a type of divide is forming within the LGBT community in Ireland. From what I can tell, there’s a substantial number of people living outside of the capital city who feel that the LGBT media are only catering to those living in Dublin, while ignoring those living elsewhere in Ireland. If this is true, which I hope it isn’t, then the community is being made feel fragmented by that which is meant to unify it. One particular figure has been quite vocal about what he feels is a bias towards those living in Dublin, and having quickly glanced over a few Irish LGBT websites, I wonder how much truth there is in his claim.

It can’t be denied that Dublin has the largest population of any other city in the country. Continuing with that logic, one can easily assume that the capital would be home to the biggest LGBT community on the island of Ireland. Does this devalue the smaller communities in other cities like Galway, Cork and Waterford? Financially speaking, I would presume that it does. Businesses looking to invest in the Pink Euro (no, it doesn’t have the same ring to it as ‘Pink Pound’!) will focus on Dublin because it has the highest concentration of LGBT people. Dublin’s Gay Pride festival is the second largest festival in the city, while understandably the St. Patrick’s Day Festival is the largest. No other Pride festival makes as much money or draws as many crowds. That part can’t really be argued.

If there is a bias towards Dubliners within the LGBT media, then that bias needs to be balanced, and fast. Should certain media groups claim to cater for the entire country (or numerous cities at least) then Dublin’s gay scene events should not be the only ones promoted. Another solution, however, is for the other Irish cities to stop relying on Dublinocentric (yes, that’s a word) media. There’s nothing to say that Galway or Cork couldn’t set up some form of print media to serve their own community. Yes, it would be a struggle for those regions, and it might be unfair that the rural LGBT community should have to go to such lengths, but it would give the allegedly-biased media bodies a shock.

Personally, however, I will say that as a presenter of a national radio programme, it has never always been the easiest to contact and collaborate with events or groups on a national level. Certain groups – both in Dublin and elsewhere in Ireland – need to realise that Mohammed will not always come to the mountain. Co-operation is key to building a stronger community.

Time for a Revival.

So far, I’m not even sure what I want to do with this blog. I came back to WordPress because of my involvement with a new British LGBT magazine, which uses the website. It made me think about the relic of a blog I left here, and felt that the reset button needed to be pressed. I’ve decided to totally start from scratch, deleting all past entries on this blog and reviving it with a new theme, layout and aim.

You could come across extracts from literary projects that I’m working on, thoughts on various issues that are close to my heart like design or LGBT affairs, or commentary on events taking place in Ireland. I don’t know yet, and I’m not pressuring myself to make any decisions just yet. I’m going to wait and see.